Today was my 4th reading with Carla. I contacted her for a reading because I feel a bit “stuck” in my life and needed her expertise to guide me in taking my next steps.
It’s been 9 years since my last reading with Carla. I’ve spoken to a couple of other psychics over the past 9 years, but I have to say that, so far, most of Carla’s predictions have come to pass, thus far. I say “thus far,” because only within the last 3 years has a majority of what she told me, all those years ago, transpired. Let me fill you in…
I did not know it at the time, but during the previous 3 readings, I was newly enmeshed with a narcissist – a con artist. In retrospect, I sought Carla out because the cracks in the relationship and the narcissist’s mask had started to show and the red flags were popping up everywhere, but I didn’t want to see them. So, I ignored my inner voice – my intuition. Or rather, I was BLIND to it at that time in my life. You see, I didn’t know it then, but I was a codependent – or as Dr. Ross Rosenberg calls it in his book, the Human Magnet Syndrome, “self-love deficient.”
I was raised in a toxic, codependent family environment, which included an abusive stepfather and a cold, emotionally absent mother. I unconsciously carried the family dysfunction within me into adulthood, where I mimicked the family pattern: self-sacrificing women, who are attracted to, and betray themselves for, emotionally unavailable and toxic men.
Carla told me the truth about the narcissist all those years ago, but I didn’t want to believe it. I still remember her words from the very first reading 10 years ago: “Out of all the reasons to be with you, love is at the bottom of the list.” Some words she used to describe him were “neurotic” and “self-centered.” During my 3rd reading, she told me about my relationship with the narcissist: “You’ll eventually get tired and then you’ll be done.” Well, it took 6 years, but it finally came to be. I had become weary of his crazy-making behavior and what I now know as the repeating cycle of narcissistic abuse. I was finally done, just as she had predicted.
It’s been 3 years since I ended the abusive relationship, and during those years I have done a lot of work to dismantle my codependent behaviors and adopt more loving and caring behaviors towards myself. I’ve learned how to not betray myself for the sake of others and how to set a boundary and enforce it. As Carla pointed out today, in many cases, it all boils down to having the guts to say “No” – despite the fear of rejection and abandonment by others – and not feeling guilty about having said it.
Because of what I’ve experienced and overcome, I have a strong desire to help others who are or have experienced similar issues to mine, who need help with their healing journey. I just wasn’t sure how to do it. Today, Carla told me that I would start doing virtual group and one-to-one coaching. She described to me the ways in which I would get started and how I would build my program.
In retrospect, I can now see that I’ve been dealing with a case of imposter syndrome-induced procrastination, as in who am I to help anyone? Today’s reading with Carla has helped to renew my sense of purpose and nudged me out of “stuck” mode, so that I can continue my journey of helping others. Thank you, Carla. I am grateful for your guidance.
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